My project - "pattern of events"

[peter_g]

Hello everybody,
I have made a (very) short film. I would like to get some opinions with a view to improving myself as a film maker.

here is my script. It is a parody of sorts. A parody of all those student films were someone gets stabbed for no apparent reason
FADE IN:
INT. BEDROOM -NIGHT
A woman rests on a bed, in what is quite probably her own bedroom. Her face is covered by her hair
WOMAN
I remember a case in the late nineteen seventy?s of a killer who indiscriminately hunted victims in the countryside.
CUT TO:
EXT.FOREST -DAY
An informally dressed man walks down a lonely looking lane in a forest. A shady looking character, wearing a black leather jacket pursues from a ledge a little above the path of the informally dressed man.
WOMAN (V.O.)
We?ll never know his motive ; always the same pattern of events though.
The ledge that the shady character walked on meets up with the path the informally dressed man walks on. He comes up right behind him, and gets his attention.
The man, shocked , turns and is confronted by the shady looking character. The shady looking character draws a weapon from under his jacket - a fish - and knocks the man to the ground. He proceeds to beat him with the fish several times.
CUT TO:
INT.BEDROOM -NIGHT
The the same woman from before is now writing a log in some kind of diary or journal.
WOMAN (V.O.)
Despite the best efforts of the authorities, the evasive killer was always one step ahead.
CUT TO:
EXT.FOREST -DAY
The killer further beats his victim with the fish. We see this from multiple camera angles
WOMAN (V.O.)
(menacingly)
But most strange of all, always claiming his victims with a fish!
CUT TO:
INT.BEDROOM -NIGHT
we return to the woman writing in her journal
WOMAN (V.O.)
The killer left the corpse to be found by a jogger.
CUT TO:
EXT.FOREST -DAY
The victim lies in a bloody heap. The killer conceals his fish under his leather jacket and walks away, down the road that his victim walked up
FADE TO:
CREDITS

Anyway, I have two questions:

1) do you think this is any good?

2) do you know of anyway I can get a little exposure so I can get more opinions and critique?

thanks for your time

[belovedmonster]

Although its a good idea to keep looking for ways to get your stuff read so you can get feedback and improve your writing over time...

I dont think you should be looking for exposure until you have something worth selling. At the moment you should concentrate on writing, just write none stop, even if the stuff never sees the light of day. Its all practise.

*wishes he would take his own advice and write more*

[Generic Skinhead]

Well it's kinda odd. There is no real narrative...it doesn't have any kind of ending. I'm not suggesting you have to wrap up things in a nice little bow, but...you'll have to do better than that! Although I always find it hard to do a cool ending so don't worry! ALso rather than using a "general" thing like a fish, use a haddock/kipper. Specific things are always funnier.

Also if you want to satarise Student films...man you could do so much more! Make it Black and White, write "Fin" at the end, give yourself a shameless cameo, have overly elaborate credit sequences, do a weird montage thats not coneected to anything, use a delibaratly obscure yet trendy soundtrack...

**** I should know.

[peter_g]

I have the shameless cameo bit pinned down...

although this was'nt planned, it was because the guy pulled out at the last second (****** ).

I appreciate your incouragement and support

what about ifilm?

I can't find a way to send them NTSC tape though, plus I don't have a cd burner to send a CD copy